Silent Struggle
by littlev123
Summary: After refusing to go to a party, Prussia reflects on who he is and the invisible enemy that threatens to take the one thing he has left. No pairings. Rated T to be safe. Oneshot.


"Are you sure you don't want to go?"

"Of course I'm sure, West! The awesome me does not want to go to a party hosted by that stupid aristocrat!" Prussia leaned against the doorframe, waiting for Germany to leave. The Kubelwagon, engine humming impatiently, idled in the driveway. Inside, Italy waited in the passenger's seat, a container of pasta in his lap. He kept a firm grip on the food, anticipating the short car ride ahead, but being careful not to burn himself.

"Try to clean up your beer this time." Germany ordered.

"Who said I was going to drink?" Prussia asked, a mischievous grin belying his innocent tone. His younger brother raised a questioning eyebrow, about to respond, when they heard the sound of a car door opening.

"Germany! The pasta's getting cold!" Italy shouted.

Germany turned to the driveway. "Alright, I'll be there in a minute!" Satisfied, the Italian closed the door to continue safeguarding his precious cuisine.

"Better hurry, Ita's getting impatient." Prussia urged. Germany returned his attention to him, noticing the small yellow 'Gilbird' shifting on Prussia's head. The chick settled itself back in the silver hair, whose owner seemed unaware of the bird's presence.

"We should be back in a couple of hours." He informed.

"Yeah, yeah. See ya." Prussia gave him a dismissive flick of his hand. Germany nodded, said a last goodbye, and walked to the Kubelwagon.

Prussia closed the door, hearing the soft click as he locked it, and paused to listen for a moment. He heard the car's engine switch to the tentative hum of reverse, pause, and then accelerate to gain speed along the road. He waited as the car covered more and more distance until only the soft, barely audible snoring of the Gilbird could be heard.

A few seconds passed, as if making sure they were really gone, before Prussia decided to move. He immediately headed for the spotless kitchen and opened the refrigerator, a smirk on his face as he pulled out a bottle of beer. His brother knew him too well.

He sat down heavily on the couch and put his feet up on the glass-topped table, which Germany had cleaned only hours before. The impact jarred the Gilbird, but only enough for it to twitch slightly before drifting back into comfortable slumber.

Prussia raised the bottle, ready to take a sip, but something stopped him. He sighed and placed the drink on a wooden side table, not bothering to use the coasters stacked only inches away. Why did he suddenly not want to drink? He had done so alone many times before. Glancing around the room, he tried to figure out what had dared to intrude on his awesomeness.

In the corner of his eye he noticed paper hidden mostly from view by his absent-mindedly placed beer. He lifted the alcohol and pulled out the paper, realizing what it was before even reading the words.

He held the card in his hands, lip curling in disgust as he recognized Austria's proper and flowing script. He crushed the invitation into a ball and tossed it at the trash can on the other side of the room, successfully making the shot.

"Yes!" Prussia fist pumped the air in victory. He grinned; he'd like to see anyone else make that awesom–

_You're alone. You don't have to act anymore_. A small but familiar voice whispered in his head. He frowned and attempted to squash the feeling, as he had many times before.

_I am not acting! The mighty_—

_You're not mighty and you know it_. It interrupted. Prussia gritted his teeth, annoyance sparking in his eyes. He also felt the icy cold of truth nagging at him, only angering him further.

_I_—

_You're worse than Austria._ That froze Prussia in his tracks.

_The truth hurts doesn't it? _It continued, each word gaining force. _Lying to yourself doesn't change the facts—_

His hands clenched.

_You have nothing_. The last word rang in his ears, as if daring him to make a defensive remark. Prussia snarled inwardly, despising the fact that he felt it trying to force him to cede to its acidic words.

_I do have something. I have myself. And that is all I need. _He calmed when it didn't respond, but knew that it still lurked there, waiting for him to lower his defenses. It waited patiently for the perfect moment to taint his mind and take over, the moment Prussia couldn't let happen.

Sighing, he relaxed his hands and examined them. Crescent marks showed on his palms where fingernails had dug into the pale flesh. They seemed to mock him, trying to prove his weakness.

Prussia's gaze was drawn back to the crumbled paper, just visible behind the lip of the trash can. Although he would never admit it, he and Austria did have something in common; loneliness. However, Prussia would always state that he was happy alone, unlike the dark-haired nation; at least that's what he tried to convince himself with.

Truly, Prussia felt the stab of solitude like a knife in his gut. When around others, he could distract himself while in their presence. But when alone, he hears doubts scraping at his mind, worming their way into his thoughts.

Yes, he did have Germany and some other countries he could rely on for company, but he was different from them. They had countries to represent; his was abolished long ago. Many asked how he was still alive, since he should have died along with his country. He would always answer that it was due to his awesomeness, but he honestly didn't know himself.

Having used to be a nation representative himself, Prussia knew the difference between a representative and a regular person just by looking at them. Those who have been given this duty hold themselves with the pride of that country, something normal citizens couldn't see. They also subconsciously felt the current state of the nation, always there and as natural as breathing.

Prussia felt only a yawning void, the absence reminding him every moment of what he truly was. He didn't have any supportive leaders who did what they believed was best, or citizens proud of their nationality. He didn't have any land to speak of; even Sealand had that.

As much as he tried, he couldn't fill that dark, empty space. It threatened to overtake him, lead him into a depressing darkness that nothing could pierce. Prussia constantly found himself battling against it, trying to push away its menacing presence. If he faltered in that battle, allowed it to break past his defenses for just a moment, then he would lose himself.

Proclaiming his awesomeness was not mainly for arrogance, but to help himself in his constant struggle. If he could believe that he had the strength, had the awesomeness to believe that he could win, maybe he could banish the doubts dragging him down with every step. The only way to keep it from taking over was by believing he had the strength to keep it at bay. If believing in a lie was the only way to break the mental chains, then he would make a thousand in the blink of an eye. He had to protect who he was, even if he came off cocky and self-centered to others in the process.

For that was all that he had left.

A familiar tune broke the cold silence, startling Prussia and the Gilbird. He looked around for its source, and then realized it came from his own pocket. He pulled out his cellphone and checked the caller ID. Recognizing his brother's name, Prussia accepted the call and put it to his ear. The Gilbird shifted a little and remained half-asleep during Prussia's greeting, blinking slowly in drowsiness.

"Hey, West."

"We're about to start a game of cards. I can still come and get you." Germany paused. "Are you alright?"

Prussia blinked; had his proud tone slipped? "Of course, I was having an awesome time!"

"So, do you want me to bring you here?" Prussia thought for a moment, secretly glad that any suspicion from Germany's previous question had disappeared. He didn't need anyone finding out; it was his fight and he must fight alone. No one else would even be able to fathom his true situation, much less be able to help. But that didn't mean he couldn't have some fun in the meanwhile.

"I'll go. Prepare to be beaten by my awesome skills!"

**A/N: I attempted to do a somewhat emotional piece, but I'll leave that up to you to decide whether I did well. This came from the idea of how Prussia must feel knowing that his country is gone. I hope that was clear enough. I hope you enjoyed and please review!**


End file.
